i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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