dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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