so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
