Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I deserve this hangover.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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