If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
