with your own penis?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
