You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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