So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
