Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
