I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
