Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
