she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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