You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
