I cannot find my penis.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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