It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
