Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
