My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
