Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
