Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
