About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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