You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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