she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
