conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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