I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
