how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
