You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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