you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
