If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
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i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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