Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
