i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
