Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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