I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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