and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
