im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
