Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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