we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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