we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We are two peas in an std pod
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
