At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
