In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
