The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
