Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
