I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
