You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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