I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
