This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
