Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
