i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
