btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
