WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
