I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
