theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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