How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
