he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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