i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
