Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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