Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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