y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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