if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
