Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
