dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
