Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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