his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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