i think my mom watched the whole time
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize