You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
