We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The best revenge is premature balding
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
