If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
