i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
