we have officially lost it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
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Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
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I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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