sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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