is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
