A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
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Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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