i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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