New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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