FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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