so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
ttyl tear gas
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
