I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The air taste purple.
Randomize
