I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
