Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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