spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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