Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
